talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
