I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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