Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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