So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
