We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
