I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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