Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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