he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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