Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
