toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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