things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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