I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
