Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
