She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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