just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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