Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
