Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
