you would pick up someone in the library
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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