We're facebook friends in real life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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