why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
