Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's never too late to be topless.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
