fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
