Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize