She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
