you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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