Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
