Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
