Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
