Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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