I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I could fuck to npr.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
