Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
