I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
