she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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