OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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