The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
