Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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