Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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