I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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