cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
