Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
