You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
