we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
