I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
