how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
