Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
