Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
