I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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