I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
