So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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