I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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