You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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