I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
