Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
