what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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