Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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