if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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