your room smells of hookers.
And success
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
