The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
