yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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