my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
