The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
