i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
