This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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