I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
