He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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