I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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