She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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