was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
