i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
