Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
