you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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