yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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