so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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