I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
