dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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