Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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