my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
