You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
