What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
