we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
