**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
