So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
In America we eat man semen.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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