Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
