Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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