Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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